i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
