I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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