just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
