Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
