Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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