I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
