it's too hot outside to masturbate.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
