so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
