So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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