guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.