I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay