Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.