Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
