Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
