You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.