I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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