i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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