she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
