just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
