I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We need a shit load of segways right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i now understand why vodka
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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