theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
