The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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