Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
