Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
