i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
