A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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