forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
