My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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