remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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