I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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