I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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