Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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