i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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