Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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