Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
