If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
