Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
