I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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