i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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