I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
