A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The uberlube is also flammable
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
