Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
