You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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