You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
