I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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