There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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