oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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