don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
