I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
