How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
