Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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