Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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