Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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