Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
