i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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