the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
