Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
