plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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