Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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