I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
