You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
