drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
