So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
