Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
