God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
