so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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