Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
