Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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