I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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