i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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