remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
