Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
