Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
