If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
