So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
