Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to have your abortion
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
