Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
