i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
