Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
