evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
