saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
