Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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