I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
