Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
